A Sin For Him
by Vicarious Jade
Summary: Sequel to His One and Only Secret. AU. Picks up with Dean in Hell while Aidan and Sam go their separate ways, although each seemingly leads to the same dark place. Rated T for now, may have to change it later. Dean/OC and Sam/Ruby for now.
1. Dead Souls Dreaming

**A/N: **I don't own anything. Th title is a lyric from a Nightwish song...I think, don't own them either. This is a sequel to 'His One and Only Secret'. I recommend reading that one first but if you don't want too here is the general idea: Dean has been keeping his vampire/human hybrid lover a secret from Sam and now he's in Hell. I think that about sums it up.

**Dead Souls Dreaming**

The dreams start out the same, always the same, with moonlight and unparalleled passion, the perfect place where love and lust unite and the rest of the world is dead to them. They exist alone, uncomplicated in their desires, the flesh of this world bonding the souls of the next. The dreams can be explained; loneliness, grief, sorrows; dreams can be explained, but not the nightmares they intertwine themselves with. A glimpse here and there in a dream is how it starts, fire and brimstone where none should be. A world no where and every where, one that leaves her weak and shaking. The dreams morph quickly and mercilessly into the nightmares that aren't just nightmares; this is known automatically, inexplicably, on the deeper level that she refuses to acknowledge. Nightmares that have no words to describe them, where she can hear his screams, taste his blood and feel his pain, but she can not see him. Not at first.

The first night she is amazed that she can even think about sleep, guilt-ridden by this. His body lay not 50 feet from hers, cold and empty, and once she gets into the bed, she's asleep instantly. Then the first dream starts, twisting and weaving until Bobby finds her 3 hours later, in the foetal position on the floor, whimpering and shaking. He had heard her fall out of bed and went investigate, stopping dead in his tracks when he hears the whispers, about Dean and Hell, coming from the lips of girl in front of him. Pushing past the pain that threatens to devour him for the loss of the man who was like a son, he helps her up and into the bathroom, getting a washcloth wet with cold water to try to cool the burning skin under his hands.

"I can hear him….I heard him…..screaming. I can…feel him. He's there……" Bobby pushes her hair from her shoulders, lifting it to cool her neck and freezes. Under her left collar bone is Dean's tattoo, and he knows its Deans because she never had one, not before last night. Not before she went to sleep. She sees what he's looking at and her breath catches in her throat, her heartbeat thundering wildly.

"What's wrong with me?" Her whisper gets his attention; she's staring, holding his gaze for all she's worth.

"I don't know."

"No more sleep." She rubs her hands over her face and through her hair, finally completely back in this reality.

***********

46 hours later, when she can no longer stay awake, the dream comes again and along with is come the pain and emptiness. He's calling out for his brother to save him, to help him, to end the pain. Shadows swirl and the dull throb in her shoulder, stomach, wrist and foot come alive, angry and screaming. Her heart pounds in her chest.

_Why can't I find him?_

She can see the shadows, the fog and gloom, the demons. The lost souls. She wonders if her body is with her, she can't seem to focus enough to see it. Her eyes snap up again when he screams out. _Closer this time?_ Pain erupts and she screams herself awake.

The sheets are soaked with sweat, her skin is burning to the touch and she throws herself into the bathroom just in time to heave the bile into the toilet. She hasn't eaten or fed in days, the taste of her lover's blood all too fresh in her mind. Once the shakes stop enough, Aidan pulls herself off the floor and washes her face with the coldest water the tap can provide, avoiding the reflection in the mirror. _Not good enough. Couldn't save him. Not enough._ Turning out of the bathroom she drags herself back into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to calm her speeding heart. It's dark out and there will be no more sleep tonight. Under her hands, where her fists grip the bedspread, she feels a strange texture, dry and brittle, when her eyes bring in enough light to indentify the object her heart skips a beat. Looking further over the bed she can see more spots and her pulse resumes its hasty rhythm.

Bobby is jolted awake by the foreign sounds in his house, at first suspecting an intruder. He reaches for the gun beside the bed before he remembers that Aidan and Sam are staying in the house too, _No,_ he corrects himself, _Sam left right after you buried Dean_. Shaking his head, he gets out of bed and follows the commotion and running water to Aidan's room, knocking but getting no answer. He pushes the door open slowly, dreading what state he'll find her in this time, but she's sitting on the bed, her back facing him. At first he thinks her eyes are closed but then when he gets closer and turns on the lamp beside the bed, he can see that she's staring at the burnt patches on the bed. Her eyes find his when he sits next to her and he can see the fear in them.

"I don't know wh-what this is." Aidan gestures to the bed.

"When did it happen?" Bobby asks gently, theories flying together and ripping apart in his head.

"When I was asleep."

He looks between her and the bed and takes her hand in his, "I think we should call Missouri."

*************

The Crossroads demons won't come to him anymore, self preservation being high on their list of priorities; there are no more deals to be made. He has tried everything he can think of and everything he has ever read about but nothing has brought him closer to saving his brother. It's more than that, there's no going back now, not from where he's been, not from what he's done. Revenge is the only thing left for him, that, and whatever it is he has with Ruby. There is no name for it, a twisted sort of companionship. Dean would have been pissed. He tries to push the thought of his brother finding out about him and the demon out of his head but to no avail. He's going to hell for this. Maybe he'll see his brother there. His grimaces at the thought and turns back to the woman in the room. _Woman?_ Ruby offers him a sad smile, as if sensing his thoughts. _Demon._ He turns his attention back to the signs, the omens, he has to find Lilith, she is his revenge.

"I can't find the pattern. They're just all over." Sam sighs in frustration, rubbing his eyes, trying to keep the exhaustion at bay.

"Let me see." She gets up from her seat on the bed and sits next to him at the table, taking the papers from him. After a few moments of consideration she raises an eyebrow, discovery evident on her new features.

"What? What do you see?" He's leaning over the papers again.

"It's not what I see; it's what I don't see. Maybe this is all just what it seems, random."

"But why would Lilith be doing the whole random thing, doesn't she have some big plan?"

"Unless the first order of business was to get you off of her trail." She meets his eyes and he scoffs at how blind they've been to all of this. "She's afraid of me; it makes sense to want me chasing my tail while she's readying the world for the apocalypse." He sighs again before continuing, "So knowing this, how do we find her now?"

"Interrogation," Ruby says without missing a beat, "and since you need practice, it's like killing two birds with one stone."

************

Note: So, here is the first part of the sequel, please let me know what you think and if it's good enough to keep going. I love hearing from you and appreciate all of your reviews! Cheers!


	2. The Fire That Stirs

I still don't own anything. I don't usually like to read lyrics at the beginning of a fanfic but I think you might like one, reminds me of Dean and the angels, The Noose, by A perfect Circle, check it out if you want, I just didn't want to put it in the story. Thanks again!

**The Fire That Stirs**

"Where's Lilith?" Sam has his back turned towards the human-wearing demon strapped to the chair while he examines the knife in his hands. He pauses when silence greets him as his response, raising his gaze to meet her dark eyes. The moon is high, coming through the windows of the derelict cabin to illuminate the Devil's Trap on the floor beneath their prisoner. He crosses the short distance in the room and places his hand on the arms of the chair.

"He asked you a question." Ruby says, watching with her arms folded across the black leather adorning her chest.

"And I gave you your answer, you bitch. I'll see you in Hell." The demon spits these words as venom towards the woman while he continues to struggle in vain.

"You're going to get there a lot sooner if you don't tell me where Lilith is hiding." Sam doesn't flinch, doesn't blink, while his lover waits patiently by his side. _Obediently._ He pushes the thought from his mind and refocuses on the task at hand, to his captive demon who is now laughing, not a care in this world.

"Nothing you can do to me would be worse that what Lilith can do. Not yet, anyway."

"You sure about that?"

"Absolutely." The demon matches Sam's smirk and wears it all the way to hell. He rubs his hand over his face, the pain is there, but not as bad as before- it's getting easier. Ruby places her fingers on the man's throat, frowning when she finds no pulse.

"He wore him out," She replies to his crestfallen look, "there was nothing more you could've done."

"Tell that to him. Tell that to his family."

***

"She's a conduit." Missouri whispers from her post in the doorway with Bobby. Together they watch the young woman sleep in the bedroom, tossing and turning in her nightmares. The bedspread is scorched where her body makes contact with it, the fires of a world beyond, yet one, with this one channelling through her skin, coursing through her veins. Her screams quiet to whimpers as she wakes, her breath ragged.

"A what?" Bobby asks, holding the cold cloth around the hand he had used to try to wake her.

"Come on, she'll come down when she's ready." Missouri signals for him to lead the way down the stairs and to the kitchen, her kind features set in a frown.

"What kind of conduit?" he asks, setting a cup of coffee in front of his guest. She takes a sip, wrapping both hands around the mug as if to seek warmth and comfort. After the first nightmares started, he had called right away, hoping it was just the young woman's grief plaguing her. Deep down he knows it's something bigger. He had asked his friend to look into it and two days ago she called, asking to come by, she had information. Bobby waits impatiently for her to continue.

"A path between our world and Hell. The nightmares are real." Bobby is speechless, just staring at the woman across from him.

"Think of it this way, she's alive, with us in his world, but in her sleep her subconscious can open the gateway with enough incentive."

"Incentive?"

"Dean. You know better than anyone that's it's no coincidence that all of this started when his deal was up. The one thing she wants more than anything."

"She said that he was in Hell…she knew he was there."

"Because _she_ was there."

"A conduit?" His features still show his disbelief.

"Umhm. Now I had heard rumours about them existing in the past, over two thousand years in the past, but I had never thought it was true until I met that poor girl. Even then, the power contained in that child was amazing. I've only felt that power with one other person." She stares into the distance, her thoughts temporarily drifting away from the conversation in the kitchen. A moment of silence passes.

"Well, who?"

"Sam Winchester."

***

The darkness in the motel room is quiet and still, helping to calm his nerves. It does nothing for the dull ache that is constantly tearing at his heart, leaving him empty, angry and bitter; alone. He looks over at the woman sleeping on the other side of the bed, her dark hair spilling over her flawless skin, the moon light lending an unattainable innocence to her features. He frowns at the memories of the things they've done, the nights they've shared, lust and regret irreversibly intertwined. _Demon_. What would his brother think? What would John think? He shakes that train of thought from his head, walking to the window, and pulls back the curtain. The world outside is dark and empty, offering little solace. He can't bring his brother back, not yet, but he'll never stop hunting for the thing that took him away. Maybe if he can kill Lilith…_maybe_…. He's dying without his brother, knowing he's in Hell because of him; he'll do anything to bring him back. _Dean._

"Sam?" He turns to Ruby, his mask firmly in place.

"Come back to bed."

***

She loses track of how long she sits in the dark, her skin is cool, her pulse slow. She can hear the conversation coming from downstairs, talks of Hell and gateways. And Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood. Growling mostly to herself, Aidan pushes herself out of bed and into the bathroom. The cold water on her face does nothing to erase the images of her lover in Hell; she can see him there now, when she sleeps. Selfishly she wishes she couldn't.

Missouri and Bobby are quiet when she slides onto the chair next to the older woman. The hunter sets an extra cup of coffee down in front of her and returns to his seat, giving her the time she needs. She rests her arms on either side of the mug and hangs her head, squeezing her eyes shut, uselessly trying to erase the images that she's sure have been burnt into her brain, endlessly reflected in the mirrors that are the backs of her eyelids. She was closer this time; she could see him; almost touch him, what was left of him. _Too close_. She's startled out of her detachment when Missouri's hand slips over hers, offering a brief reprieve.

"I can see him now. I've found him." her eyes are still unfocused, staring at their hand in the table, her voice low.

"What…what is he doing?" Bobby's voice breaks as he asks the question.

"You don't want to know."

"It's been over three months since he…left. Maybe we should call Sam." Aidan's eyes snap up to meet his the moment the words have left his mouth. Her face is sullen and her eyes are cold, "And tell him what? That I can see Dean but I still have no idea how to save him?! That he's not Dean anymore, he's…"

"He's what?" Bobby presses her to continue.

"Nothing." She turns her gaze to Missouri, "Is this going to start happening while I'm awake?"

"I don't know, but I suspect it could." Her eyes are kind despite the unearthly images the vampire is inadvertently projecting onto her.

"Azazel?" The question has been on all of their minds. The psychic looks to Bobby, "I think so, she's the right age."

"How? Why? I don't understand…did I have a family?"

Both Aidan and Bobby are staring at her, waiting for the answers that may damn them all.

"He was possessing a vampire when he came for you. Your parents and your brother never made it."

"How long have you known." Bobby's question this time.

"Since I told you about her. Now, don't look at me like that," Missouri tightens her grip on her hand, "what good would it have done for you to know? Your life would've been one long hunt, full of heartache and grief-"

'Like the Winchesters." Aidan interrupts.

"I wanted to keep you away from all of that as long as I could. I had too."

Aidan turns back to her drink. _What good would it have done?_ She looks up to Bobby and then to Missouri-her family, her friends. _The past._ She shrugs and drinks the coffee.

***

Ruby has located another demon for him to practice on. They're waiting in the darkness provided by the edge of the forest for the woman to emerge form the bar she's been in for the past two hours.

"How are the headaches?"

"Getting better. I don't know if that's a good thing or not." He stares at the cold coffee in his hands.

"It's a good thing, Sam, it is." Her hand rests on his arm as if her contact will help convince him.

"He asked me not to do this. He'd be pissed."

"Sam, you're saving lives, he'd be proud."

"Not like this."

"We do what we can with what we have. You're saving them."

Sam frowns, they've had this argument before, many times, and they'll probably have it again.

"Sam?" His frown has turning to a grimace and he hisses through clenched teeth in pain. The cup drops and he places both hands against his head trying to ease the sharp pain behind his eyes._ A vision_. Ruby's still calling his name when he opens the floodgate and lets the images in.

It's Hell. Darkness and fire contradicting each other, hot and cold, pain everywhere. He finds it hard to focus, to make sense of the shadows that weave in and out through the nightmare. Sounds that can't be heard, he can feel them. His senses are mixed, he can smell the heat, feel the noise, see the pain. And Aidan is there, screaming, but not in pain, even though her skin seems to be on fire, it's rage. She blurs in and out of focus, the fires dancing around her, on her, through her. He feels other screams and shrieks, others are howling along, but they sound of loss with their anger. A name, it's a name on her lips, she turns and he can focus on her face for a minute, on her eyes and the fire that burns from within, ringing her dark eyes. _Dean_.

He's on the ground gasping for air when Ruby's voice finally breaks through and he utters a name of his own, "Aidan." She flinches at the name, unable to control the reaction and his eyes are immediately suspicious, "What? What do you know?" He struggles to his feet, his gaze never leaving hers.

"Nothing." At first he thinks he might be imagining it but no, there's fear in her dark eyes.

"Don't lie to me, Ruby." He takes a step towards her and she seems to shrink under the weight of his stare.

"I've heard that name before. Demons were talking and-"

"Where?"

"In Hell."

"What did they say?" He's even closer now and her fear is becoming more pronounced.

"That she was there. _Was_. They talk about her like they talk about you…some are scared… that's all I know, Sam, I swear."

"Don't lie to me again." His mask back in place, he turns his cold stare back to the bar.

***

She's in Hell again. It scares her that she's becoming more familiar, she can find Dean almost instantly. Around her fire and shadows twist and merge, screaming and laughing, but she doesn't feel the heat. This time it's different, despite everything she's seen here, one thing still makes her blood run cold-the fact that she knows she's not sleeping this time. Her body must still be standing in Bobby's living room. Her lover is before her, his current victim splayed on the rack. He looks perfect, all in one piece, untouched by the horror that surrounds him, but she knows the truth, she's seen him when he wasn't perfect. The malicious look on his face mars his beautiful features, twisting him with a wickedness she's never seen on him. It infuriates her and she reaches out to touch him, the contact of her hand on his shoulder making both of them gasp, him in disbelief and her in terror. Something inside her has broken, the barrier between her and her past, all of the knowledge of her destiny bombarded across her soul. Azazel. Her abilities. _Dean_. How to save him. His shock is gone and he's pressing his body against hers, whispering ruin in her ear, but she just grips him tighter until he stops, until he remembers, until the look of fear and disgust at what he's done and what he is creep across his features and he tries to pull away from her in shame.

He stops when his gaze reluctantly meets hers, alarm spreading through his soul. He can see the fire, standing out around her pupils against the darkness of her irises. Why is she here? Is she dead? A demon? He tries to pull away again, this time in fear. _We're going home, Dean, you don't belong here._ They don't need to talk here; voices are only meant to be destroyed through torture. Before he can ask her where home is, hands are on his arms, burning, pulling him up, away from her. He sees the look of loss when he is wrenched from her grasp, warmth unlike any other engulfing him, comforting. _Not good enough._ He can hear her screaming his name, her voice going from alarm to anger, he tries to reach for her but he submits to the darkness that greets him. _Not good enough. Couldn't save him._

All around her the shrieks of agony over the escape turn to cries of pain, the smell of burning flesh coming to meet her. Burning eyes. All around. She looks back up to the light; able to make out the figure holding Dean, its eyes meeting hers before they both disappear. Unparalleled fury hurls her out of Hell and back into the world she rightfully belongs too, for now at least. Bobby's staring at her like she's grown an extra limb and she knows he's seeing the fire in her eyes. After reassuring him that she came back intact and unpossessed, she explains what she saw, what she learned. She tells him everything, her revelations, her failure.

"Who is Castiel? You whispered that name after you finished screaming for Dean." Bobby sits beside her and takes her hand in his, wishing they could go back to how everything was, before all of this, before John died, before Sam and Dean died, before the mess they find themselves in now.

"Castiel?" She tries the name; it's hushed on her tongue, holding none of the ferocity she felt before.

"I think…it's an angel…I think Dean's alive."

***

A/N: Thank you for reading, you're awesome. Please review, this chapter had a lot of stuff going on, I just wanted to catch up to the season premiere, if you call that catching up.


	3. That, Being Dead, We Rise

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

**That, Being Dead, We Rise**

She ran. Bobby pulls the curtains aside and peers out the window overlooking his front porch for what feels like the hundredth time. His front porch remains vacant. Frustrated, he sighs, scratching at his beard, and returns to his previous spot on the couch. For once, he has no idea what to do next, he wonders if things could possibly get anymore messed up. He could go after Aidan, although he knows she wants to be left alone to deal with her self-proclaimed failure. When she had first come back to this world, she had been furious like he'd never seen her before, but as she relayed the events to Bobby; her anger had quickly faded, replaced awkwardly by fear. Fear that he would hate her for not saving him, for not figuring it all out earlier, for not being good enough. Fear that he would hate her for what she had become, what she had unleashed to find him. Despite Bobby's numerous protests to the contrary, she ran, his heart bleeding for her.

He can't say he isn't scared for her. These last few months, loosing Dean had broken his heart, but dealing with Aidan had terrified him. He had tried to pass it off as nightmares for the first few weeks, but every time Hell came into his home the truth came closer and closer. He couldn't lose her too. She was all he had now and he would have her back as long as his heart beat. He just hoped that he told her that enough.

No, he would let her calm down for a few days before trying to reach out to her again. He picks up a book off the coffee table; maybe some research will take his mind off of current events. His calloused hands run lightly over the cover of the black leather-bound book, running a thumb over the worn gold-edged pages. He stops when he reads the title of the book: _Holy Bible_. He throws the book back down onto the table and gets up to retrace his earlier path, pacing across the living room floor. He could call Sam. He has no idea where the youngest Winchester is, he isn't sure he wants to know. Another name to add to the list of people blaming themselves for not being able to save Dean; right up there along with Robert Singer.

He makes his way to the window again, and just like before, his front yard is empty. He knows Aidan won't be around anytime soon, and Sam would only see his place as a last resort. In the brief times that he is honest with himself, he knows that he's waiting for Dean. He got the call about an hour ago, his breath catching in his throat as he hung up on the familiar voice, his heart breaking again. He doesn't want to allow himself to feel hope, but he can't help it. _Dean._ She had said she thought he was alive, and Bobby clings to her words in a desperation that he's only felt once, years ago.

Bobby doesn't know how long it's been since the call, he lost track of time pacing the floor. What will he do if it turns out to be true? He doesn't want to think about what he'll do if it doesn't. Maybe…_maybe_ this aching sorrow can finally be quelled._ No!_ He can't allow himself to hope. His heart stops with the knock at his door. It feels like an eternity before he can force his feet to cross the floor, even longer before he can get his hand to the handle.

"Surprise."

***

They ride in the darkness, following Bobby to their next lead. This psychic is supposed to be one of the best. Neither brother has been willing to break the uncomfortable silence that has enveloped the car, both content to hold on to the secrets they hide. Dean steals a glance at Sam, who is staring out into the night beyond. He's lying. Dean knows this, it's only been four months, but his brother is barely a resemblance of the man he left behind, a stronger, darker shadow of the man he once was.

"You ok Sammy?"

"Yeah, why?" Sam's looking at him now, and Dean didn't miss the glimmer of guilt that crossed his face when he turned his eyes from the window.

"Just wonderin' what's got you so quiet. Got anything you need to tell me?" An invitation, even if it is followed by a chick flick moment.

"No. Kinda still in shock."

"You sure you're ok?"

"Dean, I'm fine." _Liar._ The older man returns his eyes to the road, his brotherly instincts screaming in his head. _Liar._ Neither of them anywhere near 'fine', but they'll both play the part as long as they can. Dean hates the distance that's grown between them, hates Lilith for sending him to Hell, hates Hell for…for everything…hates himself for failing. _Not good enough. Not strong enough._ _Her_ thoughts in _his _head. He forces that train of thought from his mind before anymore can become of it, glaring at the road in front of him. Sam doesn't miss his knuckles, white on the steering wheel.

***

As soon as the man…_angel_ disappears, Dean hears Bobby coming to behind him. Spinning, he goes to the older hunter's side, helping his friend to his feet.

"What the hell happened? Who was that?"

"I don't know…I think…he said he was an angel." Bobby frowns, staring at the younger man who still seems to be in shock…or awe. An angel. Who pulled Dean out of Hell. "Castiel."

"What?! How did you know that?" Dean's staring at him now, his eyes focused, hard. He hadn't realized he said it out loud. Castiel, the angel who pulled Dean out of Hell, right out of Aidan's arms.

"Bobby!"

"Aidan said he saved you." Bobby watches as his jaw clenches at the name, his eyes turning cold. Dean doesn't say a word.

"Do you remember it? Do you remember her there?" Dean looks away, turning his back to the older man, all the confirmation Bobby needs. Dean can't face him, remorse raging through his heart. He remembers her there to save him, remembers the things he whispered in her ear, corrupt and vile things, things he knew would tear her down. But still she held him, tightly until he became more like Dean Winchester and less like…_them_. And them he was pulled out of her arms, and out of Hell. But not before he saw the fire in her eyes.

"What was she doing there?" Dean has turned back but still keeps his eyes downcast.

"Finding you."

"I gathered. _How_?"

"Turns out Azazel had his sights on her too."

"Like Sam." He sees Bobby's grim smile, wishes he could see her.

"You need to call her."

"I can't Bobby…she'll hate me." His voice is small, voicing his fears doing nothing to alleviate the pain that comes with them.

"Funny, she said the same thing 'bout you, 'bout how much you'd hate her. Dean Winchester you will call her and fix this so help me god, boy, I will kick your ass my self. Couple o' idjits, you two." Dean can't help but smile at the term of endearment coming from the older man, and his heart leaps at the thought that maybe, maybe she won't hate him for what he did. But she _saw _him there. She knows what he did, the things he said. His heart aches for her but his fear of being rejected, of being despised, over powers all of his rampant thoughts. They leave the old barn, making their way back to Bobby's house, Dean making him swear not to tell Sam about him remembering his time in the pit. Even though he promised to contact his lover…former lover…would she even speak to him...even though he promised, he slips the phone back into his pocket.

***

A/N: Thank you again for the reviews, hopefully you like it so far, please let me know!!! I'm debating on when to have them reunite; some ideas have so much angst to go with them, too many choices, let me know what you think. Cheers!


	4. And Tear The Heart Out Of His Side

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

**And Tear The Heart Out Of His Side**

They travel back to Bobby's place in silence, Dean struggling to compose himself for a better part of the way. His confession lies heavily on both brothers…_40 years_…Sam doesn't know how to comfort him so he remains silent._ 'I wish I couldn't feel anything'_, that's what Dean had said to him, after he'd confessed to reaching his breaking point in Hell. Sam knows he can't fix this…can't even begin to understand, and he hates feeling powerless. His brother doesn't deserve this, all to save _him_.

When they get to Bobby's, Ruby is waiting out on the steps of the front porch for them, the older hunter refusing her entry until the brothers returned. She offers a small smile when she spots Sam getting out of the Impala, which quickly disappears when she notices the state of both Winchesters. The grief is not lost on Bobby either as he ushers them all inside and passes beer around for everyone, briefly getting the rundown on the events of the past few days.

"Anyone know where this Alastair demon went to?" Bobby asks. Everyone is silent for a minute, formulating their own hypotheses on the whereabouts of their new nemesis.

"Where ever Anna is, I guess." Sam offers.

"And this Anna, she's an angel?" Bobby can't help but hide is disbelief.

"Well, not at first, but then we helped her find her grace and then she was gone." Dean answers this time.

"You sure that's the only thing you helped her find?" Sam smirks up at his brother. Dean snaps his mouth shut and glares at the younger man, warning him not to go any further.

"Whatd'ja do?" Bobby's tone is even and his face is blank but Sam can see the anger rolling silently beneath the façade, regretting his words instantly. Ruby sits quietly, observing the coming storm, not fully understanding. Dean won't meet his surrogate father's eyes and it's all the information the gruff hunter needs.

"You didn't call her. You lied to me."

"Bobby, I'm sorry-"

"I ain't the one you need to be apologizing too. No wonder she ain't been 'round here since you got outta the Pit…you coulda at least broke it off with her first, before you went tramping around with an _angel_." Sam hasn't heard Bobby this angry since John was alive.

"What else was I supposed to do?! She wasn't there!" Dean's out of his seat now, trying not to raise his voice any further.

"She wasn't there 'cause YOU DIDN'T CALL HER!" Bobby is roaring across the room, trying desperately not to strangle the man who still won't make eye contact. Ruby's head spins towards the front door, "Um, guys?"

"WHAT?!" They both growl in unison.

"She's here now." Dean pales at the demons words and Bobby is across the floor, peering out the window. Sure enough, there standing in his driveway next to the Impala is Aidan, the setting sun gleaming off of her auburn hair. She's standing there, head tilted to the side, staring at the car like she's remembering something.

She gives herself a minute, willing the images to stop, images of the activities that took place in the backseat of that car. _Not good enough_. She turns her eyes towards the dirt at her feet, the projections stopping mercifully, and she lets the cold anger seep back in, blocking the tears that threaten to fall. Once she's composed enough, she takes a deep breath and brings her eyes up towards the house, meeting Bobby's gaze. Her stare hardens into something hollow and cold, something that tells him what she saw, and she strides up the front steps.

"She's here alright…and she knows all about your _Anna_." The older hunter's voice is pure venom before he takes a breath and opens the door.

Aidan steps into the room, taking in Bobby first; the man's face is flushed, angry, but not at her, and there's something else there too…pity. She hates pity, and uses it to strengthen her resolve. She nods in Sam's direction, ignoring his sympathetic look and locks eyes with Ruby, who's sitting on the edge of the couch next to Sam, her expression one of unease. _Demon_. She knows this automatically and after a moment, lets her eyes wander to Dean. Her expression remains neutral, reminding him of the night they met at that pool table, except now she's harder…distant. Not that he's done anything to help with that. He can imagine what she's feeling, ironically, because it's the same thing he feels…_not good enough_. Not for her. Not for anyone. She stands there, in the black leather pants and jacket that he knows so well, just as he remembers, but not at all like he remembers. There is no fire in her eyes this time. When he can't take her glare any longer, his eyes turn to the ground in shame and he misses the humourless smirk that briefly caresses her face. She turns back to Bobby, he looks relieved and her expression softens.

"Where's lunch?" Her voice is just as he remembers and he bites his lip to stop from calling out to her.

"What do I look like, Mother Goose?" Bobby grumbles all the way into the kitchen, Sam and Ruby hot on his heels. Dean's eyes follow the others into the kitchen, before turning back to Aidan, who hasn't moved one foot since she came in. Her dark eyes are still staring into his soul and he shifts from foot to foot, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. She's willing to wait for him to speak, right up until she sees the Winchester mask slip into place, anger gliding over his features. _Not good enough. Couldn't save him._ She sets her sights on the kitchen and brushes past her former lover, her demeanour colder than ever.

It takes all of his willpower not to reach out and touch her as she walks by, not to grab her hand and apologize, tell her that he's sorry and he doesn't hate her. Dean closes his eyes as her scent hits his nose, her perfume, her shampoo… he wants to hold her. He's not even sure why he got mad, she should've come to him before this whole _Anna_ mess. Maybe he should've gone to her. Everything he loves, everything he touches, he fucks up. He bites his lip in frustration and follows her into the kitchen.

***

So, where've you been?" Bobby asks, looking up at her from the stack of sandwiches he is preparing. His tone and expression are light but she can detect the suspicion beneath the surface; she doesn't blame him, her new-found abilities feel like a ticking time-bomb.

"Around. Got some more information about Lilith, stuff the others have heard. A few of them have had run-ins with her…one lived." Aidan says, leaning her hip against the counter. Bobby hands her a plate, followed by Sam and Ruby, and lastly Dean, who is still leaning in the doorway, preferring to remain a little removed.

"Where do the vampires stand?" Bobby asks, taking a bite.

"Lenore and her crew are ready and willing if we need the help. The others are scared; Lilith is sparing no one. Vampires, Werewolves, Shifters-they're all laying low." Sam's eyes snap up to meet hers when she mentions the vampire leader.

"We need all the help we can get, Lilith is killing innocent people left, right and centre and we still have no idea how to stop her." Sam's remorse hits Aidan like a ton of bricks from across the table and she frowns, recalling the events with Agent Henricksen and the police station through Sam's guilt-ridden memories.

"No one is innocent, and innocence won't win this war." Aidan's statement is almost a whisper as her mind drifts briefly to the past.

"Gotta find Lilith before we can stop her." Dean growls through a mouthful.

"I know of someone who can help us. Lenore mentioned a vampire, centuries-old at least, and he knows what a lot of the seals are."

"I've heard of him before-used to be in tight with some pretty powerful demons that never held their tongues. _Amun_, they called him-heard he was a real piece of work." Ruby says, her gaze flicking between Sam and Aidan as she speaks.

"How do we find him?" Bobby asks.

"We don't. He'll find us once he knows we're looking for him. Rumour has it he likes to fly under the radar and if you start snooping around, he'll find you and stop you." Ruby answers.

"I'll put the word out that we're looking." Aidan offers and Bobby shrugs in agreement. She sets her plate down on the counter and walks to the doorway, pulling her cell phone out of her jacket. Dean doesn't speak, doesn't move as she nears him, instead, holds her gaze as she slips by him into the living room, stopping just on the other side of the doorway. His expression no longer holds any malice and she can sense his guilt and his apology. He wants to tell her everything, anything, but both remain stock-still and silent. Sensing an extra presence in the house, their eyes turn towards the figure near the front door; the expression on the angel's face is the closest thing to 'shock' that Dean has seen. Castiel continues to stare at Aidan in silence and Dean steals a look in her direction, smiling to himself at the sight of the angel now being on the receiving end of her glare.

The trench coat throws her off at first, but only for a second, as soon as her eyes meet his she knows who he is, what he is. As if she were able to see through the stormy blue of his eyes, she can see his true form beneath this vessel, an energy barely contained.

"So Cas, to what do we owe the honour of this visit?" Dean asks, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had settled over the room. Castiel reluctantly turns his gaze from the young woman to Dean who has come further into the room, allowing the others to join them from the kitchen.

"We know which Seal Lilith is gong after next." Castiel sweeps his gaze across the room as he speaks, briefly stopping on the demon, disapproval written on his face. Ruby moves a few inches behind Sam, as if using him as a shield.

"Well?" Dean asks, and when he is met by silence, continues, "Which Seal?"

"This one isn't for humans to deal with."

"Then why are you here?" the eldest Winchester's tone is flat.

"To tell you we won't be around to help for a while."

"How long is a while?" Dean knows he should be more respectful but he's tired and the unresolved issues with Aidan weigh heavily upon him.

"A few days, maybe a week." Castiel answers, his eyes suddenly on Aidan, who has pushed herself off of the wall she was leaning on and is slowly circling him.

"Well, have a nice trip. Kill Lilith for me if you see her." Dean says, watching the staring contest going on between the angel and the vampire.

Castiel watches her, trying to get a read on her emotions as she comes to a stop between himself and Dean. Most humans he has ever dealt with have been highly volatile, passionate, enough so that they can be read like open books. But right now, this one, this woman, is different, like there's a wall up that he can't get through, can't see through. His face darkens when she smirks at his confusion.

"I know what you're doing with the Seals, trying to find out what they are. I'm glad you're on our side." Castiel says as a peace offering.

"I'm not on your side." Aidan says, not missing a beat, "I'm on their side." She tilts her head, motioning to the humans in the room. Ruby smirks. She's directly in front of him now, and he opens his mouth, looking down at her as if to say something more, but he snaps his mouth shut, the muscles of his vessel's jaw twitching. Then she blinks a few times, as if coming out of a daydream and turns her head to meet her distraction-Dean stands directly behind her now, so close she can feel the heat radiating from his body.

"Good luck." His words are genuine as he speaks to the angel over her shoulder, his breath warm on her ear. He's too close, she can't think with him so close, his scent is intoxicating, she can hear his heart beating strong in his chest and she wants to push him away to clear her head but that would require touching him. Instead, she clenches her fists at her sides to keep from reaching out and grits her teeth until he mercifully takes a step back. Their actions are not lost on Castiel, whose expression softens before he turns and walks out the door.

***

**A/N:** Sorry this chapter took so long, but at least the next one is in the works. Please review and let me know if this is any good and if you like where it's going. I love hearing from you. Cheers.


	5. And Lay The Heart Upon Her Hand

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The title of this chapter and the last are lines of the poem "Two Songs From A Play" by William Butler Yeats.

**And Lay The Heart Upon Her Hand**

The house is quiet at night, even with all of them there. Bobby took the couch downstairs, offering them the 3 bedrooms upstairs, all the while giving Dean the cold shoulder. Dean had sat quietly while Sam had pleaded with Bobby to allow the demoness to stay with them, backing up his argument with various examples of the times she had helped them out of a jam. Dean didn't say anything, but he also didn't care one way or another if Ruby was allowed to stay with them, as far as he was concerned, they had bigger issues than debating on the sincerity of the aid Ruby provided; she was helping them now and if she had ulterior motives, well, they'd cross that bridge when they came to it. Due to his incessant need to please the people that he loves, the older man's disapproval sits heavily in the pit of his stomach for the rest of the night. Eventually, Sam wins Bobby over and he and Ruby take the second room at the top of the stairs, leaving the one closest to the escape route for Dean, simply out of habit.

Sam is sitting on the bed, books strewn about, laptop balanced across his thighs when Dean stops in the doorway, on his way back from the bathroom. A stretch of silence passes, Sam watching him, waiting for him to speak. Dean opens and closes his mouth a few times, then rubs the palm of his hand over his lips, looking like he has something to say but not able to make the words come out. His eyes dart back and forth in the room, on Sam, Ruby sitting by the window, the floor, Sam. They stop wandering when something in the hallway catches his attention, making him frown. He looks back into the room, pointing his finger at Sam and Ruby, "No hanky panky. Just go to sleep." He says, and takes off towards his own room. Sam smiles and looks at Ruby, shaking his head, then returns to his research.

Dean turns his attention back to the woman coming towards him from the top of the stairs, his breath catching when she finally meets his gaze. Her face isn't angry; instead she looks tired, sad. He takes a few steps to meet her, allowing him to lower his voice for discretion.

"Hey." He says, his face open for her to read.

"Hey."

"Can we talk?"

Aidan looks at him for a moment, really looks, and sees the pain in his eyes, the remorse.

"Ok." Her answer is barely a whisper and she turns, following him into the privacy of his room. Dean waits for her to pass, closing the door behind them. He watches her circle the room, coming to a stop in front of the window, quietly observing the outside world. Dean runs a hand nervously through his hair before perching on the edge of the bed near his pillow, his elbows resting on his knees, swallowing the lump that's formed in his throat when she comes right up to stand next to him. She's watching him, waiting for him to start this awkward conversation.

Aidan stares at him for what feels like an hour before pushing her anguish aside enough to sit next to him, cross-legged and facing his side. He looks at her over his shoulder, surprised that she's come this close to him willingly, even if she is studying the stitching on the bottom of her baggy sleep pants.

"I, uh…I'm sorry." Dean says quietly, watching her hands pick at invisible lint.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for." Her voice holds enough contempt for him to notice.

"I have everything to be sorry for…Hell…what I did down there…what I said down there-I didn't mean it-I-"

"It's ok." Aidan cuts him off, her eyes finally meeting his for a brief instant before looking down again, "I was never angry about anything that happened there, just that I couldn't get to you sooner." He looks at her in disbelief, how can she _not_ be angry? The things he did, the things he _said_…to _her_…the types of things he knew would hurt the most. He doesn't know how to say what he wants to say, how to ask the question he is desperate to ask, but terrified of the answer.

"Bobby told me…about the demon blood thing. Is that how you did it?" He asks, changing the subject. Aidan nods but keeps her eyes down.

"I didn't know about that when it first started…it was just nightmares at first. I didn't figure it all out until I got to you." She says, and this time when she looks at him, he can see the shame she feels. _Until you touched me._ He had felt it too, powerful and raw when her hand had landed on his shoulder.

"Freaked me out, seeing you there…thought something happened." He says, pulling his leg up onto the bed and turning to face her fully.

"Sorry…"

"No, I didn't mean it like that, just that…" _I thought you were dead too._ He leaves the rest unsaid, knowing she can feel it.

"I scared you."

"Yeah." Dean answers honestly, staring down at her. She looks back at her hands, fiddling with her clothes.

"Scared me too." Her voice is so quiet he can barely hear her and he reaches out involuntarily and lays his hands over hers, halting her restlessness. Her eyes flick up to his and he holds her gaze, never moving his hands even though he wants too. He's scared she'll be angry at him for touching her but he needs to, it's their first contact since the Pit and he needs to feel her, even if she hates him for it.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you when I got out…all I could think of was that you'd hate me for what you saw down there….what I did."

"I thought you'd hate me." Aidan admits, weaving her fingers into his, glad to have his touch.

"Why?" The confusion on his face is genuine.

"Because I couldn't save you. Because of what I am."

"You think I care about the demon blood thing?" He asks, slipping his hand up her neck, his thumb under her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes, "I don't. I don't hate Sam, and I don't hate you. I never will." She leans into his touch, allowing herself to feel his warmth before taking his hand and returning it to his lap.

"I'm sorry about Anna too." She frowns when she hears this, wiping her tears with the back of her hand, a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob escaping, revealing her disbelief. She sniffs a few times, composing herself, before speaking, "It's ok."

"What?! No it isn't ok!" Dean grabs her arms, forcing her to look at him.

"I meant its ok that you don't want to be with me anymore. Cheating is not OK." She stares at his t-shirt-clad chest as she says this, not wanting him to see how hurt she really is. But she can't hide it from him; her whole body betrays her, especially to him. He's silent for a moment and she glances up, afraid of what she'll see in his eyes. Instead of the pity she expects, his expression is caring, intense, almost lustful.

"I do want to be with you." His voice is quiet and rough, causing her heart to ache for him. His honesty and insecurity lend his appearance an innocence she hasn't seen since before he went to hell and she wishes he could stay this way forever. She hangs her head and closes her eyes, allowing her tears to slip down her face onto the bed between them.

"Do you love me?" He holds his breath in anticipation, he needs to know but he's scared of her rejection. She is everything to him, and in this moment, he hates Anna and all of the other angels, even though he knows this mess if his fault. When she nods her head in response a sudden realization hits him; if they don't die in the coming war, he'll do everything he can to spend the rest of his life with her.

"I love you; I have for a long time. I'm not going to stop." He repeats the words just like he spoke the first time he told her that he loved her and she breaks down when she hears them, allowing him to pull her against his chest, crying softly.

"I don't know how to fix this, but if you'll let me, I promise I'll spend eternity trying." She looks up at him, reaches out to wipe his tears off his cheek, and leans into his hand when he brings it to her face again. When she doesn't pull away, he lowers his lips to hers, tasting her softly. His fingers thread through her hair, pulling her closer, his lips coaxing hers. When she opens her mouth he moans his agreement and slips his tongue inside, tasting her fully. He's missed this, dreamt of this since his return, even before that. She tastes just how he remembers and he pulls her with him when he leans back against the pillows. She doesn't resist, lying against his chest, her hand on the back of his neck, pulling him closer. When his hand slips down her backside she growls and takes his bottom lip, biting gently, before pressing her mouth back to his. His hand slips back up her side, his hardness pressing against her but before he can go any further she's pulling away, her head turned away, her eyes squeezed shut. When she opens then he's looking down at her in concern and she shakes her head as if trying to clear it.

"I, I'm sorry, I can't do this…not yet. I can't get the images out of my head…I just…not now."

"Ok…it's ok." He says, trying to reassure her, "I don't want to ask, but I'm going too, what images?" Does she still see him in Hell? The things he did?

"Visions, I guess…earlier, near the Impala…" She won't meet his gaze.

"Oh…I'm sorry." Nope. Worse than images of him in Hell. God damned angels.

"I should go." She says, trying to pull away from him but he holds her tight, his hand on her back.

"Stay…please." His eyes are a vibrant olive; scared she'll say no and leave. She bites her lip and then lies beside him, allowing him to hold her while they sleep.

An hour later that's how Bobby finds them, after finding Aidan's room empty, he checks the next logical place, his lips curling up into a small smile when he sees her and Dean fast asleep, their expressions peaceful. He closes the door softly as not to disturb the room's occupants and recalls something Missouri told him years ago, after John had come after the young vampire. Aidan had escaped and Bobby was worried for her safety when the psychic told him, in no uncertain terms that Dean and Aidan's lives would be intertwined forever. And forever didn't end with Dean's death.

***

**A/N:** Thank you for reading and please review if you like it or have any suggestions, hopefully you enjoy this chapter. Cheers.


	6. La Belle Dame Sans Merci

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Supernatural related. Title belongs to John Keats.

**La Belle Dame Sans Merci**

That morning goes along quietly, Dean and Bobby cooking breakfast because according to Dean, if the world ends, no one gets any breakfast anymore. Sam just nods quietly from his spot at the table with his laptop, glad his brother is enjoying himself and that the previous night's tension has thinned. Aidan and Ruby set the table in silence, the only normality either has experienced in a long while. The aromas of bacon, eggs, sausages and hash browns fill the room and each person fills their plate, taking a seat at the table.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Dean asks through a mouthful of food.

"We're going to meet Lenore." Sam answers.

"If we get lucky, Amun will find us there." Ruby says.

"What do we do when he does?" Dean asks and all eyes look to Aidan.

"I think you should sit this one out." Aidan responds and Dean's fork clanks against his plate, his eyes on hers, obviously unhappy, "Why the hell would I do that?" The others sit quietly while the older Winchester glares daggers across the table. Bobby looks between Dean and Aidan, waits.

"He's not going to give us the information out of the kindness of his heart." Aidan's expression is soft.

"I never thought he would. What are you trying to tell me?" Some of the initial anger that is his automatic response has faded but Dean is far from content. She breaks eye contact with him to stare at her plate, debating on what to say. When she doesn't answer, it's Ruby that speaks up, "Either he's going to want something in return or we had better have a good threat." Bobby and Dean stare at the demon, thoughts running a mile a minute in their heads. The older man is silent as he remembers something the vampire he rescued Aidan from had said…'_Her blood…it's like a drug to us'_ and both men appear to come to the same conclusion as they turn their gazes to the vampire.

"No way-"Dean's disapproval is cut off by Bobby, "You had better have one hell of a threat 'cause there ain't no way he's getting anything from you in return. Got it?"

"I do have one good threat," Aidan says, temporarily calming both men in the process, "I can drag him to Hell. Which is why you should stay here." She finishes, staring at Dean. His face has fallen, fear and pain evident. He is silent for a moment, allowing himself time to process what he's heard.

"You sure that's a good idea?" Bobby asks, uneasy at the idea of her using her abilities.  
"It's a last resort. We can try to threaten him with beheading first. She's right Dean, you should stay here." Sam says.

"No." Dean growls, the warning to back off obvious in his tone.

"Fine." Sam says, turning his attention back to his plate even though his appetite has vanished.

"Alright, that's enough. We all go, safety in numbers. If we're gonna have any hope of surviving this we need to be honest and stick together. No secrets." Bobby doesn't miss the pointed glare Dean sends to his brother. _No secrets._

*****

The meeting with the vampire leader takes place an hour or so away from Bobby's place in an old warehouse in the train yard. When they enter the room, Lenore smiles and hugs her friend. Dean can't help but notice that Aidan looks truly happy, returning the older woman's hug, he wishes he could see her like this forever.

"I'm glad you're here, and that you're ok." Lenore says, taking a step back giving the younger vampire a once-over to make sure that what she says is true. A few weeks ago Aidan had shown up out of the blue, broken and alone, confiding in her about Dean's death and the events of the next four months. She had sot refuge with the vampire clan, staying until Lenore has finally convinced her that she needed to go back, to face him. Looking around at the others, she offers Dean a smile.

"Sam." Lenore greets as her smile widens. She will never forget all that they had done for her.

"Hey." Sam says awkwardly, not knowing what else to say. He's glad that she's safe and that she's willing to help.

"Well, look at this." The voice is male with a hint of an English accent and everyone turns to its origin. The man is 6'4" at least; black leather pants and an open dress shirt adorn his muscled body. Black hair and a silver chain around his neck, his eyes are the alarming part, an unnatural amber colour that shines vampire-like in the light. The malevolent vibe coming from the intruder causes those with weapons to grip them tighter. Aidan takes a step forward, placing herself between her friends and the newcomer.

"You must be Amun." Ruby says, taking a step forward.

"And you must be Ruby, the demoness that's been cavorting around with Azazel's promised one." The man is smiling but there is nothing but maliciousness on his face. Sam grinds his jaw shut at his allusion.

"And _you_ must be Aidan. I'm delighted to finally meet your acquaintance." Amun drawls, taking a step towards the group.

"Oh, I bet you are." Dean snarls in contempt, placing himself right next to Aidan.

"Dean, in the flesh. Did you have a nice trip to Hell? I heard you were _very_ busy down in the Pit." Dean clenches his fists at his sides but remains quiet, glaring.

"Oh yes, I heard you were quite the superstar down there…so much _potential_." Amun advances again, but stops when Aidan steps between him and his target.

"Touch him and I'll kill you." She says evenly, her face betraying none of the hatred that is surging towards the surface.

"_You_ will kill _me_? I doubt that. He's not the one I'm interested in touching." He's leering down at her, sliding his fingertips down the leather of her sleeve. It takes all of Dean's willpower and some of Bobby's not to swing the machete hanging at his side.

"We're looking for information about Lilith and the Seals that she's after." Sam says, trying to change the subject.

"I know you are. And I do have the information you need. It's all yours, for a price."

"Of course it is. Look, why don't you just start talking and we won't have to start swinging." Dean says, motioning with the blade in his hand. Everything about this vampire creeps him out and he wants nothing more than to get the information and get out. Amun is so fast that no one sees him move, one minute he's in front of Aidan with a smirk on his face and the next he has a hand around Dean's throat, lifting him off the ground while bending and twisting the hand with the machete until the pain is too much and the blade falls to the ground, metal on cement echoing through the large room. Aidan takes one step toward her lover and then she's skidding across the floor, the momentum of the backhand she received carrying her a few meters until she rolls once and gets to her feet with a growl, the coppery taste of blood in her mouth. Dean lands with a thump back near Bobby and Aidan is briefly relieved when Amun turns his attention to her instead of the others. She charges and gets in two hits of her own before his hand is holding her painfully by the hair at the base of her neck, pulling her closer to the blade in his other hand. He wraps one leg around hers, holding her tight against him. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Dean struggling to get to his feet, Bobby and Sam holding him back from coming to her aid.

"Now, now Dean, you really should learn how to share," Amun says, his eyes focusing in on the thin trail of blood coming from her split lip, "I'll teach you." He looks at Dean with a smirk before pressing his mouth to hers, trailing his tongue up from her chin to her lips. He pulls back moaning, his eyes losing focus as the demon-vampire blood slides down his throat. Aidan turns as far as she can towards Dean, who is struggling even more.

"Get back." She hisses across the room and her friends obey, sensing the urgency, as well as the increasing temperature in the room. Amun is oblivious to everything except the warmth spreading from his stomach. The woman in his grasp struggles, causing his grip to tighten. Her lungs can't seem to get enough oxygen to prevent the panic that is rising, she knows what he'll do next and her mind is back in the abandoned paper mill where Bobby had rescued her, back in the memories of before he got there. His high subsiding, his eyes are lustful when they lock onto hers and she freezes, his hand pulling the fabric of her shirt aside. When his teeth sink into the soft flesh of her bare shoulder the scream she lets loose is one of pure rage and the gateway is opened.

The first thing Amun notices is the heat, like a furnace all around him, and then the pain of his flesh burning. His eyes snap open, looking all around, trying to find the source when they finally land on the woman in his arms, fire in her eyes. He struggles to get away form her but it's her turn to hold him tight, one hand twisted in the collar of his shirt, an orb of fire hovering in the other. The air behind him sizzles and bends in the heat while transparent, ghost-like tendrils of fire dance around the woman in front of him. When the pain increases all he can do is scream.

When the first tortured screams come through the translucent gateway behind the oldest vampire, Dean's blood runs cold, the colour draining from his face. The others fare no better. The screams are like echoes, whispers, ghosts belonging to a distant world. A world Dean knows all too well. Bobby's hand clamps down on his shoulder and he clings to the contact for dear life. In front of the group, Aidan stands still, Amun still in her grasp, still screaming and she just stares. After what seems like an eternity he finally quiets, staring at the woman in horror.

"Tell me about Lilith and the Seals or you're going to Hell." Her voice is barely above a whisper and Amun is nodding, willing to do anything for his freedom.

"Where is she?" Aidan's tone is calm.

"Right now? I don't know, but I know what Seal she's going after next." He continues when she stares at him expectantly, "She's going to send an angel to Hell. Any one will do."

"What are the other Seals?"

"There are over two hundred left; I don't know what her next move is!" His voice is rising, the burning starting again. Aidan stops listening, instead, focusing on maintaining the gateway that she's opened. She herself can navigate back and forth at will seamlessly but trying to hold the link open takes a toll. And every minute it's open, forces from the other side press back harder and harder. Sensing she won't be able to hold it for much longer, she opens his mind, steals a few memories of the Seals that are closest to the surface and releases him. The relief on his face is fleeting as he feels himself being pulled backwards.

"I told you what you wanted to know! You can't do this! You said if I told you-"

"I lied." She replies flatly, cutting off his cries of protest. Amun disappears through the closing gateway and the heat in the room subsides, silence remaining. Aidan looks to the others in the room, to Dean, shame in her eyes, "I'm sorry you had to see that."

*****

A/N: Not sure if I like this chapter but here it is for you to decide. Please review! Cheers.


	7. The Intricate Ways Of Guilt

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

**The Intricate Ways Of Guilt**

When they get back to Bobby's, very little is said about the events of the evening. Dean excuses himself first, disappearing up the stairs to go to bed, followed closely by Sam right after Ruby left, volunteering to do some more digging. Aidan doesn't follow Dean and Dean doesn't mind, he needs some time to think. When he gets to his room, he shuts the door and lets out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his hand down his face. Lilith is going to send an angel to Hell. He can't help but laugh at the thought of Uriel in Hell, he shouldn't, but he can't help himself. Then the shame sets in. It could be any angel, anywhere, anytime. Castiel. Anna. A bitter taste in his mouth.

Aidan waits until she hears Dean stop pacing and settle into bed before she joins Bobby on the porch. He takes the beer she offers silently and draws her into a hug, wordlessly conveying everything he feels.

"I ain't scared _of_ you, kid, I'm scared _for _you. I don't like where this path leads." Bobby whispers into her hair.

"Me neither." She responds, resting her head on his shoulder a moment longer before pulling away to look at him, and then out into the night beyond. She knows what he's trying to say, what he wants to say.

"I can't promise I won't do it again, but I can promise that I won't use these abilities unless I have to." She seems small and vulnerable to him, still the girl he rescued all those years ago, and inside, he knows that part of her still is. He saw that little girl when Amun laid his hands on her and it took every ounce of control not to go to her.

"Then I guess that's all I can ask for," He says, his pride for her shining through his gruff veneer. "He'll get over it." Bobby adds. Her mouth curves into a small smile, her dark eyes betraying her pain. Her gaze returns to the darkness and they drink in silence.

*****

Dean and Sam leave the next morning, off on a hunt at one of the many schools they attended in their youth. Dean slips his hand into Aidan's for the briefest of seconds before they're out the door, easing much of the tension that had pervaded their lives since the day before. Neither speaks.

*****

He's scared, not that he wants to admit it. Dean hasn't heard from Castiel in weeks, hasn't heard from any of the angels. He can't help but wonder if that seal has already been broken. If so, then they're back to square one, their meeting with the ancient vampire in vain. He doesn't want to think of Castiel in Hell. Every demon down there would line up for the chance to torture him, souls gladly stepping off the rack to participate. _Enjoying it._ Like he did. He stifles that thought, distracting himself by turning to his brother. They haven't spoken in hours, driving silently, each assessing the words of the other. _You're too weak to go after her, Dean. You're holding me back._ Dean clenches his jaw to smother the anger and pain erupting at the memories of his brother's words. He steals a glance at Sam who is looking out into the passing scenery. His face is sad and guilty, and Dean knows he meant every word.

*****

When Dean returns, he's by himself. This doesn't shock Bobby as much as it should; he had seen the turmoil raging between the brothers after he had saved them from the siren. He doesn't know what was said, but he's knows it was enough to drive them apart, even as they tried pitifully to convince him otherwise. When Bobby asks about Sam, Dean just mutters that he 'went to find Lilith' before ascending the stairs. Bobby lets him go without protest; he knows Dean will be ready to talk to him later.

She knew it was him from the moment the Impala drove up the driveway but she waits until he comes to her. She can sense his desolation and knows that something has transpired between him and Sam, especially since he's here alone. When he enters the room she allows herself to look at him over the top of the book she'd been reading. Neither says a word, she senses the fear he holds within, the fear of her rejection. He shrugs off his jacket, nearing the bed, and, when he sees no objection in her eyes, he lays down beside her. She doesn't put the book down, but she does snake an arm around him, allowing him to rest his head on her shoulder.

He is glad that she hasn't pushed him away, that she's allowed him to get close. She continues to read, seemingly distant, but the hand playing in his hair tells him different. He loves her scent, familiar, comforting. He loves that she doesn't judge him.

"I'm sorry." He whispers across her skin. His voice, his words and his breath make her ache. She closes her book and puts it on the nightstand and pulls him closer, pressing her lips into his hair.

"Sam thinks I'm too weak to go after Lilith. That I _hold him back_. It's just…. I'm scared. I've been _there_, and I can't go back." His voice is hushed, spilling his secrets.

"I know. You're not the only one who's scared, Dean, we're _all_ scared. You'd be an idiot not to be scared." She says, sliding down the bedspread to lie beside him. His eyes glisten in the dimmed light of the room and she is struck by his beauty. His scent envelopes her and she takes comfort in his presence, the warmth and safety that he unknowingly provides.

"I need you." His words are fear and lust combined and her heart races when his lips caress hers. She doesn't object when his mouth demands more and his hands begin to trace the curves he knows so well. She knows the moves his muscles make as he removes the shirts he's wearing. His hands return to her skin and she sighs, his strong hands stroking the skin beneath her tank top.

"I need you." He repeats his words, seeking permission and so much more. Her mouth is hard against his, needy and desperate. His hands are pulling the soft fabric down her hips, his lips not leaving hers. She whimpers when he pulls away to remove the rest of his clothing and he can't help but smile. He stops when she is finally naked before him, awed by the woman he loves.

"I would come and find you." Aidan says reaching up and to run her hand up his neck and through his hair, pulling him to her. He closes his eyes in relief, taking a second to compose himself before kissing her once again. They belong to each other, each knows this and tonight she will let him have her.

*****

The next time Dean sees Castiel, the angel is alive but Dean's relief is short-lived; they have a job for him. Castiel leads him through the warehouse as Dean recounts the events of the past few days, Amun and the next Seal. The angel is quiet, listening but quiet until they approach the door at the end of the hall. He turns to the eldest Winchester and Dean's blood runs cold when he sees Castiel _steal_ himself for his next words. He looks back towards the closed door.

"We need your help, Dean." With no further explanation the angel is through the door, Dean right behind him. He is stopped dead in his tracks by the sight before him. Alastair bound before him, his expression strangely blank. He thinks his heart stops when he spots the tray off to the side, its contents all-too familiar. His gaze snaps back to the angel before him, the look on Castiel's face telling him everything he needs to know.

*****

A/N: We're almost there, thank you again soooooo much for your feedback; it helps me move this story along. Please review. I hope you like it. Cheers.


	8. And The Dead Tree Gives No Shelter

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Title belongs to T.S. Eliot.

**And The Dead Tree Gives No Shelter**

No matter how many times she sees it, the bruises standing out starkly against his pale skin cause her heart to ache. She sits on the edge of the hospital bed, her thigh pressed up against his, his warmth reassuring her just as much as the rise and fall of his chest. She takes his hand in hers and brings her face to his, studying the broken skin and dark circles, before her lips descend gently to his. The faint trace of blood she tastes grants her a bitter sense of déjà vu, when she whispers her love in his ear; her tears are halted by the overwhelming sense of not being alone. Castiel steps into her line of vision on the other side of the bed, his expression blank when her bloodshot eyes briefly meet his.

"I am sorry I didn't see this coming." He offers, something to break the silence. She doesn't look away from Dean and Castiel looks towards the heavens in exasperation; he needs Dean to end this, to end the apocalypse, and to do that, he also needs the sources of Dean's strength, especially the one sitting next to him. He weighs his words heavily, unsure of how much to reveal. Her pain is as raw as her anger and both pervade the tension in the room, cutting through to his soul.

"We need Dean to stop Lucifer. He is the only one who can."

"Why him?" She asks, not taking her eyes off the unconscious man in the bed. She doesn't miss the hesitation before she gets an answer.

"Because he was the one to start this…_and it is written, that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man spills blood in Hell._" as he recites the words, he thinks of Alastair taunting Dean with them, throwing them and his father in his face.

"_As he breaks, so shall it break_." Aidan whispers, recalling the memories she stole form the ancient vampire regarding the Seals. When he hears her words, Castiel turns to her, his face questioning.

"Does he know?" She asks as the angel walks further into the room to stand next to her and Dean.

"Yes." His voice is low, gentle as he stares at the broken man.

"He is strong enough to do this…he just doesn't know it yet." She says, meeting and holding the angel's gaze. Her eyes don't hold the malice he saw when they met in Bobby's house; instead they are oddly neutral, almost searching. His breath, the breath of his host, catches in his throat at the darkness in her eyes, eerily calming. He tries to peer into her mind, to find the thoughts that accompany the strange look she's giving him but he doesn't get far. A look of revelation crosses her features and her gaze turns icy once more, Castiel realizing her intentions a moment too late, his efforts to block her from his mind in vain.

"You should really start questioning the source of your _orders_." Aidan can't help but sneer at the angel, watching his clear blue eyes turn stormy as he realizes what she knows, and how she knows it. His mouth sets into a frown and she thinks he might be feeling anger for the first time in a long time.

"It is not my place to question my orders, I-"

"Need to start thinking for yourself. And you need to start questioning these orders you're getting." She cuts him off, rising from her perch on the bed, taking a step towards him, "Unless they come direct from your God, you owe it to yourself and to humanity to question them. I think that after everything that's come to light, _He'd_ understand." A moment of silence passes between them, neither willing to back down.

"I have to have faith that these are _His_ orders. Without that I have nothing." Castiel says, taking a step towards her, anger blemishing his expression.

"We can't afford for you to go on faith. How do you know you can trust your superiors? How many of them did Uriel get to?" Aidan questions, her stance defiant and unyielding.

"You sound like Anna." He says after another moment of silence and watches as she takes a step back, watches the pain his words unintentionally inflict mar her beauty, watches as the strength drains like the colour from her face until nothing but insecurity and anger remain. Another new emotion grips his soul; regret. He remains quiet as she composes herself, eventually bringing her eyes up to meet his again.

"I'm going to pretend you never said that. I'm going to go get a coffee and hopefully, when I come back, you aren't here." Before he can say anything else the door is closing behind her, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He sighs and lowers himself into the chair next to the bed, all thoughts of an apology vacating his mind when Dean stirs beside him.

"Are you alright?"

"No thanks to you."

***********************************************************************

The angel is gone when she returns, just like she asked. Dean is awake, fresh tears drying on his bruised skin; his eyes darting up to met hers when he hears the door open. He looks away just as quickly and Aidan can sense the shame he feels for his responsibility in freeing Lucifer. She quietly circles the bed to perch by his side, places her coffee on the table next to him. He finally meets her gaze again when she takes his hand in hers, her fingers gently massaging the skin, trying to lend some sort of assurance. He intertwines his finger with hers, holding both of her hands in his.

"I'm sorry." His voice is coarse and broken.

"You didn't know. You have nothing to apologize for, Dean."

"I broke the first Seal." His voice breaks again and fresh tears fall silently from his eyes.

"Do you know how many souls do exactly what you did? All of them eventually." She leans in, holding his face in her hands, willing him to understand, the strength in her darks eyes lending him calm. She lowers her lips to his, gently as not to hurt him.

"Castiel told you?" Dean asks, surprised.

"He did. He also told me that you're going to be the one to end this. I believe he's right."

Dean snorts his disbelief before speaking, "I can't do it." He's avoiding her gaze again.

"Yes, you can. And you're going to. And I'll be there every step." Dean's protests are cut off by the hard tone she uses, her eyes hard and serious. He watches her for another second, secretly allowing himself to believe her, even if only for a brief moment. He swallows and pushes that belief down, the Winchester mask back in place just as Sam opens the door, but not before Aidan notices. A small smile graces her lips before she excuses herself, allowing the brothers a few minutes alone. The moment the vampire is out the door, the youngest Winchester starts.

"Dean, what the hell happened?" Sam's expression is worried, although patronizing at the same time. Dean hates it.

"Cas needed some help. Job didn't quite go as planned." The older brother answers, his chin stuck out in defiance, arms crossed over his chest despite his aching body.

"Why did you agree to it?!" Sam is pacing now, trying to make him see reason.

"They needed help. I was the best man for the job."

"No Dean, they were just using you. You of all people shouldn't have been torturing Alastair." Sam stops when he realizes what he's just said. Dean's eyes are as cold as ever.

"Why not Sam? Because I'm good at it? I did what needed to be done." His words are a growl, daring Sam to continue.

"Yeah, bang up job you did. If I hadn't been there, you'd be dead. Again." Sam misses the flicker of pain that crosses his brother's face, followed by a newfound resolve.

"If it hadn't been for Uriel, Alastair wouldn't have gotten out of that devils trap! And you are not supposed to be using your creepy demon powers! Which you obviously have been if you were strong enough to kill Alastair. You practice every night? Or just the nights you're not screwing the teacher?" Dean's words come out like venom, intended to maximize the damage, but Sam just brushes them off like so many times before.

"I'm trying to save us all. What have _you_ done?" Sam asks, the final nail in this conversational coffin. Both brothers sit in silence, neither wanting to continue and unwilling to back down. After a moment, Dean runs a hand over his face before trusting himself to speak again, "Can you go and see when I can get out of here?"

"Sure." Sam nods, truce temporarily in place, and exits the room, joining Aidan at the nurse's station. The young nurse behind the counter smiles nervously at the youngest Winchester, running a hand through her hair.

"They won't tell me anything." She says.

"I'm his brother; he wants to know when he can go home." Sam demands, not in any mood for flirting or manners in general. The nurse scowls before composing herself and looking up his file on the computer.

"You might want to stay away from Ruby for a while; she seems to be clouding your judgement." Aidan says evenly, her warning not missing its intended target.

"You too? Stay out of it." He says, his eyes angry.

"We'd like to keep him for 24 hours for observation; he can go tomorrow once the doctor has been by." The nurse informs then, trying to break the sudden tension.

"I'll be back then." Sam says, taking a step closer to Aidan, staring her down, "Don't ever tell me what to do again."

"Or what?" Aidan asks, cocking her head to the side, daring him. He remembers her own demon blood coursing through her veins, another chosen one of Azazel.

"We'll find out who's stronger. Back off." With the last warning barked out, Sam turns on his heel and leaves the hospital. Aidan sighs, smiling an apology at the nurse and turns back towards Dean's room. Her smile fades when she sees him, standing in the doorway, the frown on his face telling her that he's been there for the last few minutes. She averts her eyes to the floor while she walks to him, not missing the glare she's getting.

"I don't need you fighting my battles." He says once she gets to the door, she crosses her arms across her chest in defiant response. He knows she won't back down from this, and he appreciates her help, even if he doesn't want to tell her that. He looks to the floor, bottom lip in his teeth, debating with himself before explaining, "I don't want him trying to hurt you, I can't trust him anymore and I…I don't know what he'll do." Aidan remains quiet while she ushers her lover back to his bed, wondering how much of her powers she should reveal to him. When he's back in bed, staring at her, she knows she can't hide anything from him; they need to be honest, open and trusting if they intend to win this.

"Something besides the demon power is clouding his judgement. I don't know what it is; he psychic powers are strong enough now to shield him from me. I suspect that Castiel knows. But you don't need to worry about your brother hurting me; he's not strong enough yet. He just thinks he is." She says, fiddling nervously with the sheet on his bed.

"What are you saying?"

"When I touched you…in Hell…it was like a dam broke. I knew then what Azazel had done, what I had done to get there, what I can do. There was nothing gradual, no getting stronger like with Sam. It was just all…there." She looks into his eyes, scared of what she'll find there. Instead of anger or fear, there is understanding and curiosity. His hand slips over hers.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I was scared of how you'd react. But with the way things are going, I think you need to know."

"With this war, we're going to need all the help we can get."

************************************************************************

A/N: Sorry it took so freaking long! I have bits and pieces written here and there, I think they're going to match the finale well, even if it was unintended. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, please review! Your feedback helps me decide where to go with this! Thanks so much for reading! Cheers!


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